Hanging in the Balance
"You give me fever…"

Well, so much for the night-weaning sleep-training ride. We man came down with a 103 degree fever yesterday afternoon. Not nursing him just wasn’t an option last night. He was up three time, but settled down quickly. Thankfully, the Advil did its job and the temperature was kept at bay.  Poor thing. No other real symptoms other than a few funny bumps on his face. He hasn’t had the chicken pox vaccine yet, but there are no other bumps anywhere on his body. I guess time will tell.

Otherwise, I’m trying to get my self into gear at the office. Not easy today!

Snack attack!

I wanted to avoid a repeat of the horrid night we has two nights ago. I was praying that wee man would sleep through, and that he was equally as upset as we were. I hoped that he figured that he didn’t want to call for us just for a fight to get him to go back to sleep - sans nursing.

I tried the trick of feeding baby a snack before bedtime. Many parents I’ve spoken to swear by this, though it never worked for my daughter so I just sort of forgot about it. But yesterday evening I brought out the yogurt and, to my surprise, he ate the whole thing. Hmmm… maybe he is truly waking up hungry and not just out of ‘habit’.

Well… wee man slept all the way through to 5am. Not perfect, but at this point who is asking for perfection? I got 7 hours of sleep! I’m still not 100% convinced that this will work, but it’s certainly worth another try. If we can go two nights in row I may believe that we are on to something…

Night weaning - nightmare

It’s time. My son is 11 months old and it’s time for him to learn that he can get through the night without nursing. I just can’t take it anymore. I need a full night’s sleep. I need to a little overnight getaway and this can’t be possible with baby still craving a middle of the night boobie snack.

Don’t get me wrong. I love breastfeeding. I don’t plan on completely stopping any time soon. I’ve managed to continue breastfeeding even after going back to work when wee man was 8 months old. I breastfed my daughter until I got pregnant with my son when she was 15 months old. It was the end of a beautiful relationship and it probably would have continued.

I don’t think he’s waking for any other reason. He goes to sleep after about 15 mintues of nursing and that is that. It’s really not all that bad, but I’m stressed out about it all the same. I’m going to my cousin’s wedding accross the country in 3 weeks… and wee man will have no middle of the night boob around.

I decided to just snuggle him and calm him and put him back in his crib. He’s a pretty easy-going kid so I figured he would just fuss for 5 minutes or so and then drift off to sleep. WRONG. He was a tyrant. After first waking at 1:30, he couldn’t be truly settled until nearly 3, then woke again at 5. He’s 11 months old. He’s strong. He’s very very LOUD.

I feel so guilty. I am truly doing this for my own selfish reasons. But I need a full night’s sleep (or at least the hope of one!). We went through the same process with our daughter, but she didn’t seem so difficult about it. Or perhaps she was and I just don’t remember. Either way, I’m tired. I’m feeling like the worst mother in the world. I don’t think tonight’s prospects seem much better.

Why do other people’s kids just seem to suddenly sleep thorugh the night at some point, and I have to go through this night-weaning hell to get them to do so?

A mile a day keeps what away exactly?

So I made the mistake of telling my personal trainer that I’d like to get back into running. I was thinking I’d perhaps start again in the summer, exactly 12 weeks before the Victoria half-marathon in October.

But no.

I’ve been prescribed to run one mile. Every day. For the rest of January.

It doesn’t seem like a huge task, and I can run a mile in 10 minutes easily. I can surely afford to find 10 minutes somewhere in the day, right? Right? Today can be checked off as day 1. We’ll see how I do tomorrow!

Photo of Alice and I that was printed in the Herald today.

Photo of Alice and I that was printed in the Herald today.

Just putting it out there.

I am wearing jeans and t-shirt. For some reason though, I feel super-team awesome today. I’m going to get what I want just because I’m so damn cute.

Check out photo number 3 in this gallery!!

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

DInosaurs. Hands down. The Tyrell Museum was like Disneyland to me.

Oh, yet another employment update

Well, I’ve been back at work for just over a month now. I will surprise many by saying - holy shit, has it been great! I know, this is rare positivity about work coming from me.

After all the crap that I put myself through trying so hard to find a way to leave my current employer, and then getting a fabulous job offer from my former employer, I have, mind-bogglingly, remained with my current employer. What’s UP with that, right?

I can’t really explain it. I started back November 1st completely prepared to resign a couple of weeks later in order to return to my former employer on December 1st.  At around 12:52 MST on November 3rd, 2011 I had what some may call an epiphany. I call it spidey-sense, or the biggest goddamned gut feeling I ever had. I fit where I currently am. They put me pack in a great role with a great team with a great project to work on. It’s really the perfect role. I couldn’t risk losing that over a few thousand dollars and a job that I may have hated at a company that, let’s face it, doesn’t have the best reputation.

When I think back as to why I felt this urgent need to leave and find something new, it all comes down to peer pressure. Several of my colleagues were leaving while I was on maternity leave and I felt that there must be a good reason. Things must be horrible, right? THey’re going to make my life hell! I wish I would have talked more to the people who weren’t leaving. To the people who are happy and successful here. I’d have realized that my personality and working style is a lot more like theirs. I would have confidently awaited my return to work instead of scrambling to try and find an alternative. (And let me tell you, interviewing for a new job while on mat leave - not good. Your brain is soaked in mommy-mode and you don’t stand a chance)

One of the hardest converations was telling my old boss, whom I have immense respect for, that I wasn’t going to be coming to join her team after all. I hope that the bridge is merely singed and not completely burnt, but only time will tell. In the meantime - I’m actually happy and thriving here where I am. I haven’t felt this good about my job since 2004. It’s been a while and it’s good to feel like I fit again.

Employment update

Well, I have an offer coming from my former employer. I’m not sure what the details are yet, but it looks like I’ll have a lot to think about this weekend.